Waiting for the Green Light

     I know I’m not the only one who has those awful 
dreams where you’re running from someone or something 
terrible and cannot shout for help. These dreams keep me 
awake for the rest of the night with a knot in my stomach 
tugging for me to understand the meaning of what my 
subconscious had just come up with. Dreams have always 
fascinated me. They’re part of the reason why I’ve taken 
two unnecessary psychology classes, and keep my own personal 
dream diary. It’s a great and incredibly interesting journal 
because even years later, just by flipping through the pages 
of what would seem to anyone else like a collection of random, 
nonsensical stories, you are able to remember exactly what was 
going on in your life at the time due to the clues in the words 
that you’ve groggily written.
     The dream I mentioned earlier is something that has 
been reoccurring for me for years. It’s a truly discerning 
dream, entirely unpleasant to wake up from, and sets a bitter, 
anxious tone for the rest of that day. But enduring this kind 
of torture for so long has caused me to question why. And in 
realizing the answer, I find myself incredibly impressed with 
my intellectual subconscious.
     Although the premise of each dream differs, two key 
aspects are always the same. I am always alone with one other 
person or thing, and I have no voice when I try to call for 
help. Yesterday, I had the honor of meeting Andy McNicol, 
literary agent for William Morris Endeavor (WME). Her clients 
include Simon Doonan and Sara Shepard, the author of the 
Pretty Little Liars series *fan girl scream*. As she had to rush off 
to a meeting I was allowed one question and had to make it count. 
I asked her this: “What do you propose for a young aspiring writer 
such as myself who has written a 330 page YA manuscript, done 
hundreds of edits and still feels as if they are stuck at the 
starting line of the publishing process? How do you suggest I push 
forward to that green light?”
     Quite honestly, I took more away from asking for 
a solution to the problem that has been tormenting me 
for over two years. I should have been recognized as a 
17 year-old novelist. Now 19, I still have a novel. But 
it’s sitting on my desk and in my computer. What do I 
need to do to have my story be heard? Ms. McNicol’s 
advice was to start up a blog and gain a following. I 
have two blogs already. I’ve won an international essay 
contest. My poetry has been featured on top teen writing 
websites. I’ve interned for top writing websites. My essays 
have been quoted in top outlets such as The Wall Street Journal, 
ABC, and Fox. I am ready to break through the barriers, but 
frustrated that the distance just seems to be getting longer. 
Writing the book was the easy part.
     Asking this question aloud to someone who may be able to 
help me cleared my mind to realize the connection this issue has 
to my nightmare. More than anything I want my voice to be heard. 
A true nightmare would be if this did not happen. (ehhem well done 
subconscious, you’re too kind). In the meantime, while I’m still 
trying to build contacts in the field, I need to start increasing 
my personal brand’s visibility more than I have been. 
     I’m luckier than most. Writing is my passion, and I know that 
at a young age. I have a head start and can almost see that green 
light in the distance. But I’m wondering, why should I wait for 
someone to find me and tell me it’s time to start? If I’m truly 
ready, I’ll break through those barriers on my own. I’ll find my 
own green light.
Thanks for reading,
stay classy! xx


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