Waiting for the Green Light
I know I’m not the only one who has those awful
dreams where you’re running from someone or something
terrible and cannot shout for help. These dreams keep me
awake for the rest of the night with a knot in my stomach
tugging for me to understand the meaning of what my
subconscious had just come up with. Dreams have always
fascinated me. They’re part of the reason why I’ve taken
two unnecessary psychology classes, and keep my own personal
dream diary. It’s a great and incredibly interesting journal
because even years later, just by flipping through the pages
of what would seem to anyone else like a collection of random,
nonsensical stories, you are able to remember exactly what was
going on in your life at the time due to the clues in the words
that you’ve groggily written.
The dream I mentioned earlier is something that has
been reoccurring for me for years. It’s a truly discerning
dream, entirely unpleasant to wake up from, and sets a bitter,
anxious tone for the rest of that day. But enduring this kind
of torture for so long has caused me to question why. And in
realizing the answer, I find myself incredibly impressed with
my intellectual subconscious.
Although the premise of each dream differs, two key
aspects are always the same. I am always alone with one other
person or thing, and I have no voice when I try to call for
help. Yesterday, I had the honor of meeting Andy McNicol,
literary agent for William Morris Endeavor (WME). Her clients
include Simon Doonan and Sara Shepard, the author of the
Pretty Little Liars series *fan girl scream*. As she had to rush off
to a meeting I was allowed one question and had to make it count.
I asked her this: “What do you propose for a young aspiring writer
such as myself who has written a 330 page YA manuscript, done
hundreds of edits and still feels as if they are stuck at the
starting line of the publishing process? How do you suggest I push
forward to that green light?”
Quite honestly, I took more away from asking for
a solution to the problem that has been tormenting me
for over two years. I should have been recognized as a
17 year-old novelist. Now 19, I still have a novel. But
it’s sitting on my desk and in my computer. What do I
need to do to have my story be heard? Ms. McNicol’s
advice was to start up a blog and gain a following. I
have two blogs already. I’ve won an international essay
contest. My poetry has been featured on top teen writing
websites. I’ve interned for top writing websites. My essays
have been quoted in top outlets such as The Wall Street Journal,
ABC, and Fox. I am ready to break through the barriers, but
frustrated that the distance just seems to be getting longer.
Writing the book was the easy part.
Asking this question aloud to someone who may be able to
help me cleared my mind to realize the connection this issue has
to my nightmare. More than anything I want my voice to be heard.
A true nightmare would be if this did not happen. (ehhem well done
subconscious, you’re too kind). In the meantime, while I’m still
trying to build contacts in the field, I need to start increasing
my personal brand’s visibility more than I have been.
I’m luckier than most. Writing is my passion, and I know that
at a young age. I have a head start and can almost see that green
light in the distance. But I’m wondering, why should I wait for
someone to find me and tell me it’s time to start? If I’m truly
ready, I’ll break through those barriers on my own. I’ll find my
own green light.
Thanks for reading,
stay classy! xx